Escape from the dead

From then until possibly midnight all was silence, the silence of the dead; then, suddenly, the awful moan of the morning broke upon my startled ears, and there came again from the black shadows the sound of a moving thing, and a faint rustling as of dead leaves. The shock to my already overstrained nervous system was terrible in the extreme, and with a superhuman effort I strove to break my awful bonds. It was an effort of the mind, of the will, of the nerves; not muscular, for I could not move even so much as my little finger, but none the less mighty for all that. And then something gave, there was a momentary feeling of nausea, a sharp click as of the snapping of a steel wire, and I stood with my back against the wall of the cave facing my unknown foe.

And then the moonlight flooded the cave, and there before me lay my own body as it had been lying all these hours, with the eyes staring toward the open ledge and the hands resting limply upon the ground. I looked first at my lifeless clay there upon the floor of the cave and then down at myself in utter bewilderment; for there I lay clothed, and yet here I stood but naked as at the minute of my birth.

The transition had been so sudden and so unexpected that it left me for a moment forgetful of aught else than my strange metamorphosis.

Dian the Beautiful

I was loath to do it, and further incur her scorn; but there was no alternative if I were to absorb knowledge, so I made a clean breast of my pitiful ignorance as to the mighty Mahars. She was shocked. But she did her very best to enlighten me, though much that she said was as Greek would have been to her. She described the Mahars largely by comparisons. In this way they were like unto thipdars, in that to the hairless lidi.

About all I gleaned of them was that they were quite hideous, had wings, and webbed feet; lived in cities built beneath the ground; could swim under water for great distances, and were very, very wise. The Sagoths were their weapons of offense and defense, and the races like herself were their hands and feet—they were the slaves and servants who did all the manual labor. The Mahars were the heads—the brains—of the inner world. I longed to see this wondrous race of supermen.

Perry learned the language with me. When we halted, as we occasionally did, though sometimes the halts seemed ages apart, he would join in the conversation, as would Ghak the Hairy One, he who was chained just ahead of Dian the Beautiful. Ahead of Ghak was Hooja the Sly One. He too entered the conversation occasionally. Most of his remarks were directed toward Dian the Beautiful. It didn't take half an eye to see that he had developed a bad

The Scarlet Plague

"Now this is the strange thing about these germs. There were always new ones coming to live in men's bodies. Long and long and long ago, when there were only a few men in the world, there were few diseases. But as men increased and lived closely together in great cities and civilizations, new diseases arose, new kinds of germs entered their bodies. Thus were countless millions and billions of human beings killed. And the more thickly men packed together, the more terrible were the new diseases that came to be. Long before my time, in the middle ages, there was the Black Plague that swept across Europe. It swept across Europe many times. There was tuberculosis, that entered into men wherever they were thickly packed. A hundred years before my time there was the bubonic plague. And in Africa was the sleeping sickness. The bacteriologists fought all these sicknesses and destroyed them, just as you boys fight the wolves away from your goats, or squash the mosquitoes that light on you. The bacteriologists—"

"But, Granser, what is a what-you-call-it?" Edwin interrupted.

"You, Edwin, are a goatherd. Your task is to watch the goats. You know a great deal about goats. A bacteriologist watches germs. That's his task, and he knows a great deal about them. So, as I was saying, the bacteriologists fought with the germs and destroyed them—sometimes. There was leprosy, a horrible disease. A hundred years before I was born, the bacteriologists discovered the germ of

A Flight to Remember

Eeeee! Now say "nuclear wessels"! It's a T. It goes "tuh". For example, if you killed your grandfather, you'd cease to exist! Daddy Bender, we're hungry.

Leela, are you alright? You got wanged on the head. Calculon is gonna kill us and it's all everybody else's fault! Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry's worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.

No! The cat shelter's on to me. There's no part of that sentence I didn't like! Bite my shiny metal ass. We can't compete with Mom! Her company is big and evil! Ours is small and neutral! Ooh, name it after me! I'm Santa Claus!

Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry's worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them. Just once I'd like to eat dinner with a celebrity who isn't bound and gagged. Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs? We'll go deliver this crate like professionals, and then we'll go home. Who's brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere?

As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead. Wow, you got that off the Internet? In my day, the Internet was only used to download pornography. I can explain. It's very valuable. Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs? Ah, the

The destruction of weybridge

It's okay, Bender. I like cooking too. Leela's gonna kill me. As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead. Dr. Zoidberg, that doesn't make sense. But, okay! Yes, if you make it look like an electrical fire. When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all. Shinier than yours, meatbag.

Fry, we have a crate to deliver. I'll get my kit! Well I'da done better, but it's plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Why did you bring us here? Tell her she looks thin. Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar.

You know the worst thing about being a slave? They make you work, but they don't pay you or let you go. You've killed me! Oh, you've killed me! I never loved you.

Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates… PUNY HUMAN NUMBER ONE, PUNY HUMAN NUMBER TWO, and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon. Bender, this is Fry's decision… and he made it wrong. So it's time for us to interfere in his life. Shut up and take my money! When I was first asked to make a film about my nephew, Hubert Farnsworth, I thought "Why should I?" Then later, Leela made the film. But if I did make it, you can bet there would have been more topless women on motorcycles. Roll film! Kif, I have mated with a